Married But Single

The concept “married but single” has been something that I have wanted to discuss for quite some time now. The phrase however came to me when one of my favorite artists, Chrisette Michele stated that she is in a play with the title “Married But Single”. Now, I have not seen the play so I don’t know the plot. Nonetheless, I thought of the phrase and began to analyze what that truly means. On a side note, I plan to write a song about this concept. So here we go, let’s dive in. Now I try to make this blog gender neutral. However, I plan to gear this post towards my ladies, especially my single ones. Guys, take some notes. My mother always said something very wise to my sister and I. She always said “Never make your boyfriend a husband, and vice versa”. I never really understood what that meant: A) because I am translating it from Yoruba and B) I was too young. Now that I’m older and thankfully wiser, I get the saying completely. Ladies, if your not the wifey, don’t act like it. So many women out there put themselves into scenarios where they are portraying a wife figure. Now, its good to impress your man. There’s nothing wrong with that. But, I am talking about the women out there that are doing the most for guys that have no commitment to them. I’m gonna be so real with ya’ll today. I know so many young girls out there that are on their best behavior for a man that won’t commit. I have had friends that did so much for a guy even before he said that they liked them. For example, I had a friend who would always make her crush’s lunch, do his homework, and be his personal guidance counselor. She wasn’t even his girlfriend. Did they eventually start dating. Yes! But the point is he used her for so long without ever making his move to be in a relationship. To all my single girls out there, let the guy impress you. Please don’t go out of your way for a guy unless your in a serious relationship. I’ve mentioned this in other posts but a guy that wants you will pursue you. If they don’t want you they will be perfectly fine with using you and letting you spoil them. This goes for physical boundaries. This generation is so caught up with notions like  “friends with benefits” and “hooking up”. No!No!No! I’m not a prude, but I’m definitely not up for that. When you respect your body, a guy will appreciate you more. One mantra that I firmly believe in is the one that says “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free”. In other words, if you are giving yourself physically to a guy without commitment, then they will most likely never commit. What’s the use of committing to someone, if you can get the perks without it. Personally, as a Christian I believe that it is so important to honor my body. I believe that my body is the temple of the almighty God. Therefore, I have decided to abstain from sex, until I am married. Now, I’m not saying that every one should do this because that’s a personal choice. What I am saying is that as women we should respect and honor our bodies. Also, you should understand the intensity and consequences of physicality in a relationship before you jump into it. Sex is a big deal that is so downplayed in today’s society. When you make that significant an investment physically, you are opening the door to emotional and even spiritual sacrifice. Also, having sex with a guy does not mean that they will commit. In fact, doing that might make them leave you because they have gotten all that they wanted from the relationship. It’s a tough world out there in the dating life. But like Beyonce says “If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it”. The moral of the story is don’t be married when you’re singe. I hope you enjoyed this post. Feel free to comment. Thank you for reading.

Sincerely,

Abisola