Homeward Stretch

The end of the school year is here. Yep, I will be ending my high school career in a matter of days. The senioritis is in full effect. (It’s actually been in effect since my sophomore year) With the end comes great responsibility. Academically, that equates to finals and term papers. So how do you stay motivated when you are at that homeward stretch? Well for starters:

  1. Keep the end goal in mind. When you think about the goal you want to attain you are more likely to do the work to accomplish it. For example, if you are trying to lose weight, having a tight dress or a bathing suit that you want to fit into will motivate you to work out and eat healthier. The same with academics, if you diligently do your work and try your best to succeed you will make good grades and graduate. You will be motivated if you know that something will come out of your efforts. For example, if you know that you will be compensated for a job that you do, you will be more willing to do that job. If you are not being compensated for the job, your motivation will plummet significantly. Therefore, set goals for yourself. Don’t make these goals too unattainable. Make them realistic. Small goals are easier to achieve then big over-bearable goals. The next way to stay motivated when you are almost done is to:
  2. Reward yourself. Reward yourself for the small goals that you accomplish. Positive reinforcement is always the answer. For instance, if you write 3 paragraphs out of your term paper, you can watch an episode of your favorite show. Little rewards and breaks not only keeps you motivated but will make you more likely to accomplish the task because you know that you will be rewarded. Continually, studies have shown that taking small breaks in between long hours of academic work helps you to perform better. School work can be tough, but when you have an incentive it makes it all worth the effort. The next way to stay motivated during the homeward stretch is to:
  3. Plan accordingly. I can not stress how important it is for you to NOT PROCRASTINATE! Procrastination is your enemy. It only leads to your detriment. Procrastination makes you less likely to accomplish the goals that you are behind on. Who wants to do a crap load of work? No one. That’s why it is so important for you to work ahead. This school year has probably been the best year for me to stop procrastinating. I have always worked ahead and the benefits are exemplified in my grades. I am making straight A’s and my stress levels have declined substantially. If you are in college and even in high school you have a syllabus. If it is possible always work on things before they are due. It prevents you from scrambling the day before and doing a half-hearted job on your assignment. The next tip for making it through those last days is to:
  4. Have fun. Yes I said it. Enjoy the little time that you have left in high school or undergrad or even grad school. These moments in your life are only there for a short period of time. Once its over, you will never get your time back. So make sure that you embrace every moment. Go to school events. I went to prom recently and had the time of my life. I even won prom queen. I will cherish that moment forever. That’s why its so important to savor your time for memories like that. You may be in a rush to leave but if that is all that you focus on you will miss out on the opportunity to enjoy the time that you have at your school. So don’t stress too much. Take time for things that you enjoy and make friend. Well that’s all that I have for today. I hope I was able to help you out.

Thanks for reading,

Abisola

Anger Management

There is no one out there in this world who has not experienced anger. From toddlers, we are faced with “temper tantrums” or bursts of anger in which we fling our bodies around, whine, scream, and cry in order to get what we want. Anger is an innate emotion. When someone mistreats us, we often resort to anger. If life is not going the way we want it to go, we are angered. Anger is one of the worst ways of dealing with a situation. It is the opposite of love and patience, the things that we should thrive for as civilized human beings. On a biblical standpoint, anger only leads to destruction. For example, Moses’ anger issue did not let him see the promise land. Even God’s “anger” towards the world led to the entire destruction of the world by means of a flood. When you allow anger to harbor in your heart, you are only creating a detriment to your heart. Its simple as this. Anger is like a weed in a garden. At first it appears harmless. But then as you let it grow, it ends up destroying the other plants and taking up the entire plant population in the garden.  In the past, as an adolescent I went through an angry phase. I was mad at the world, for what could have partly been hormones or for what could have been my circumstances. I would lash out easily, and store hatred for others. Yes, the so-called bubbly Abby had a hate list. One summer, my mom decided to send me to New York to stay with my grandma. I was only 11 years old at the time. As an effort to deal with my anger issues, I decided to write down every one that I hated. I wrote down the reason that I detested them and I felt so much better. Then, I decided that anger and hatred would not do anything beneficial for my life. I realized that God calls for us to love our neighbors as our selves. With this in mind, I decided to burn the list. I used my grandma’ gas stove and all of the hatred went into a fiery bliss of ashes. This metaphorical yet physical action was so therapeutic for me. It felt like a wave of peace was upon me. I was finally free from the burden of anger. Now, its not like I don’t get angry any more. I now know how to deal with my anger.

So here are so tips to deal with your anger.

  1. Assess why or who you are angry with. The first step to recovery is acknowledging the problem. Maybe someone has been repeatedly rude to you. Maybe your parents let you down. Whatever, the situation is determine what is triggering your anger.
  2. Decide to forgive. Resentment never solves the problem. Holding a grudge only makes you more miserable. Forgiveness is difficult but it will be a load off your chest once you forgive. Hatred and anger consumes so much of your time. Forgiveness allows you to think of the positive. My notion is if God can forgive, then you should be able to do so as well.
  3.  Find a coping mechanism. For me, I  coped by writing down what made me feel bad. Exercising is another way to release your anger. Having a sweat session releases endorphins and allows you to release any sense of physicality that may have been stored due to anger. Your coping mechanism may be talking to someone on the phone or watching  a funny television show. On an episode of  the show “Fresh Off the Boat”, one of the little boys said that he has a scream jar to prevent him from lashing out. Basically, every time he feels like he is about to have an anger meltdown he gets a jar and screams into it. This way, all the negative energy and screaming goes into the jar, not on other people. Find what works for you and stick to it.
  4.  Seek spiritual counseling. When you are connected to a higher power, your sense of purpose shifts. You are less likely, to sweat the small stuff and focus on what is really important to you. Prayer, meditation, and fellowship are all ways in which your spirituality can assist you with your anger.  Well that’ s all I have for today. I hope I helped some of you deal with your anger. Thanks for reading.

With Love,

Abisola

That Thing

I’ve mentioned this numerous times before, but one of my favorite artists is Lauryn Hill. One of her most prominent songs is called “Doo Wop (That Thing). This song is probably one of the first songs I ever heard from her. It is a testament of different social and relationship issues that women and men encounter. The song starts of with ” It’s been three weeks since you were looking for your friend. The one you let him hit and never called you again”.  From that line alone you can tell that Ms. Hill is spitting the truth. How many girls out there have been in a  relationship in which they give themselves physically and a guy does not reciprocate the love?  The answer is a lot of girls. One of my favorite quotes from the movie, “The Perks of Being A Wild Flower” is “We accept the love we think we deserve”.  That’s why there are girls out there who can’t even get a call back from a guy they gave themselves too.

So what exactly is “that thing?”That thing means the physical, emotional, and spiritual assets that a man or a woman is using you for. The chorus of the song goes “Girls, you know you better watch out, some guys some guys are only about, that thing, that thing, that thing,”. Lauryn is warning us about falling into relationships with users. The song also says the same thing for guys to. This is a co-gender blog so for my male viewers don’t feel left out. There are some girls out there that just want to use you. Recently, I was asked out by a random stranger. I gave him my number but did not respond to his texts. Basically, I felt as though he was one of those guys that Lauryn was talking about. The context of us meeting, and the context of his living situation made me be cautious.  He was most likely trying to use me for “that thing” or my physically goodies if I can be candid with you all. There are so many girls out there who fall into relationships with guys who don’t truly care about them. That is why it is so critical to set standards for yourselves.

When I was at FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes.) this week, one of the girls speaking was about relationships. She told us how she saw a meme on twitter about a teenage girl asking her mother if she could date a boy.  The mother’s response was this. “Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.” For those of you who don’t know what that scripture is it is the one that describes what love is. Then the mother told the girl to replace the word Love with the boys name. For example: “John is patient, John is kind”.  She told the girl that if the guy does not fit into all of those qualities, then he is not worth dating. I thought that was an extremely clever thing to do. I will definitely do that for the relationships I get into.

Ms. Hill also describes the definition of a scrub. Well not exactly using the word scrub, (You should read my post called “No Scrubs”) but basically a deadbeat guy. Here’s how it goes. “The second verse is dedicated to the men, more concerned with his rims and his timbs than his women…still in their mothers basement..they face court case when the child support late…quick to shoot the semen stop acting like boys and be men” That verse is one of my favorite. We all know of that one guy who is unemployed, still lives with his mother, yet has the audacity to procreate. This is something that women should be aware of. Don’t fall for these guys, it will only create more problems in the future. Ladies, get you a man that has ambitions, goals, and future prospects.

Now, I feel like I’ve been dogging the guys for a long time in this post. So now let’s get to the ladies. Lauryn basically warns guys of those fast easy girls out there. The ones that “show, there a** cause they think its a trend.” She warns “don’t be a hard rock, when you really are a gem”. This is so wise. Ladies, don’t be so eager to give up your bodies. While I hate this saying “modest is the hottest”. When you respect your body, a man will too. Don’t put up a facade. Be authentic with yourself. Well that’s all I have for today.  Thanks for reading. I will put the video down below.

With Love,

Abisola

 

 

Happiness vs. Joy

What is happiness? What is joy? Is there a difference? I believe there is. To me, happiness is a temporary feeling. For example, I might feel happy when I eat an ice cream sundae. This however, does not mean that I have joy. Joy is the more permanent notion that basically follows us throughout our lives. To put it in perspective, people who are depressed do not have joy. They may have temporary moments of elation but nothing consistent. To sum it up we should aim for joy instead of just happiness. So how do we get to that consistent state of euphoria? The key is basically to keep doing things that make you happy. Consistent happiness leads to consistent joy. For example, if you are in a career that you are satisfied with, then you will have joy. If you are not in a career field that you enjoy you might have moments of happiness but nothing more. Joy comes from doing this that make you fulfilled. Although, I just meant that being in the right career can bring you joy, it is not the sole giver of joy. There are so many wealthy individuals with prestigious jobs who are depressed, and lack inspiration. Money does not and can not give you happiness. Why do you think that the kids in developing countries always appear so joyful? This is because they see more to life than the materialistic elements.They are just content to be alive and  healthy. Joy comes from accepting your life for what it is. Its all about being grateful. If you are a Christian, when you thank God for  all your blessings you will reach a new peak of elation. Even if you are not religious you can still be thankful to the universe for allowing you to live another day on earth. One way to put your blessings into perspective is to write a list of all the things you are thankful for. When you have a visual of all the things you are grateful for you will realize that your life is not so bad after all.  My family had this thanksgiving tradition where we would take beans or some small object and put a bean in a container for everything we were grateful for.  By the time we were finished the jar would be full.

Another way to have joy is to take care of your body. Your body is part of your holy trinity. I know its pretty deep. Your holy trinity, is your mind, body, and soul. So be mindful of what you put in your mouth. Food is supposed to be fuel. It gives you the energy you need for the day. I promise you if you start eating healthier your body will thank you for it. Not only will you have more energy, your entire mood will be altered because you will not have that sluggish, lethargic feeling. Also limit your alcohol intake. Yes, a small amount of wine is good for digestion and has some nutritional value, but the bad outweighs the good when it comes to alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant which means that it slows down the messages traveling between the brain and body. You might feel “cool” while you’re drinking it but in reality it is only  going to make you feel worse and uncoordinated. Furthermore, taking care of your body means exercising. Yes, you might feel lazy but when you exercise feel good endorphins are released. Studies have shown that people who exercise tend to have less cases of depression and overall happiness. Continually, how do you make your soul happy. Your soul is your innermost being. It is your spiritual entity.  People who are religious or spiritual tend to be more content with life. So this is a perfect justification to pray or meditate and engage in some form of worship. Hopefully, you will see a change in your joy level if you follow these ideas. That’s all I have for today. Thanks for reading.

Sincerely,

Abisola

Epiphany

One of my favorite songs from Chrisette Michele, is her song called “Epiphany”. It is a break up ballad about her realization that she no longer wants to be the girlfriend of someone that treats her badly. What is an epiphany? To me, an epiphany is a great realization of something. It is the breaking point when you come to your sense about a certain topic. It is the moment of insight, knowledge, and strength that you gain when a certain event or situation gives you a sense of wisdom. I have had many epiphanies in my lifetime. I am going to share with you some of my most recent epiphanies.

  1. Friends come and go. While this notion might seem obvious, it has never been so relevant in my life before. I moved from the IB school that I used to attend to a community college based high school. With this transition, I lost a significant amount of friends. I lost friends that I would consider my best friends. I am never really an attached or possessive person. However, it hurt me a little bit when I realized I was basically friendless for a period of time. It is so scary to see how friends that you had a certain perspective on, change so quickly. Their actions don’t seem to match up. I was definitely hurt by the friends that I thought I had. Nonetheless, I realized that I was going to make an enormous amount of new friends. Although, I have not made very many friends at my current school, I have made a copious amount of friends from my new school, UCF. (University of Central Florida) I have not even started the school, but with the way things are going now, I know that making new friends is inevitable. So if you have lost a friend, just realize that people come into your life for a season. Not everyone who your “besties” with will remain that way.
  2. God is the only person that can love you indefinitely. This one is very important, especially for young girls. As women, we often feel the need to find love in humanly conditions. We often think about the perfect guy for us. We also think about  how much happiness that person will bring to us. That notion is a definite no, no.The only person that can love you unconditionally is your creator. Not even your parents can love you as much as God does. With this in mind, you should cherish your relationship with God. If you are an unbeliever, then the only person that can love you indefinitely is you. Self-love is important for not only unbelievers but Christians too. God wants you to love yourself. Loving yourself is another sub-epiphany that I had. At one point in my life, I wanted this guy to love me as much as I thought I love him. When he did not make a move, I realized that I should not be so consumed with the idea of him loving me. Loving yourself and taking care of yourself is the best decision you can make for yourself.
  3. Have peace with your body. As believers say, your body is your temple. It is what stores your soul. I know that’s deep. So its important to take care of it. Watch what you put in your mouth. Food is supposed to be fuel not entertainment. Eating healthfully makes such a difference in not only your body but your mood. Besides eating healthfully, exercise is  another significant aspect of caring for your body. The endorphins that are released when you exercise is the best anti-depressant. It is not just for weight loss. Although,  I am at the largest weight that I have ever been in my life, I have never felt so at peace with my body. I know that I am healthy and beautiful.I will embrace my body at all levels. It takes time to finally be comfortable with your body. Being comfortable doesn’t mean that you can’t make changes. However, you should never obsess about how your body looks. Likewise, you should work with what you are given.

Well, that’s all I have for today. I hope you enjoyed this post. Feel free to share your epiphanies with me.

Thanks for reading,

Abisola

#Goals

If you’ve been on social media, I’m sure you’ve seen this hashtag numerous times before #Goals. This particularly hashtag goes on anything from food  to relationships. I have thought about doing this topic for a long time. However, it did not really occur to me until I watched one of my favorite youtubers, Patricia Bright do a video on relationship goals. The gist of the video is why relationships should not be goals. I will expand on that. Relationships are different for everyone. All that glitters is not gold. What I basically mean by this is that what you see on someone else that might appear fantastic, may not in fact be that spectacular. People are prone to show their best sides. Whether its that couple who is notorious for their cutesy couple-y photos or that girl who is always seems to be on the perfect destination vacation, social media thrives on the superficial. People will only post the best of themselves. That “perfect couple” you see might have an abusive relationship. That “rich kid” may be in a major load of debt. You never really know the depth of what someone is going through based on their social media. Continually, relationships should not be goals if you are single. I have to stop myself on this one. You are your own person. As a single person you should enjoy your time by yourself. Instead of being googly-eyed on another person’s relationship, build yourself up. Being alone is the perfect time to get to know yourself. It is also the quintessential time to become a better you. Don’t waste your time fantasizing on the perfect relationship. It turns out that when you aren’t focused on something to much, it will come forth more naturally. Wait for the right time. Please do not rush into things because you feel compelled to complete your #goals.

So what should be your goals? It is so important to set goals and thrive to make certain accomplishments. I’m kind of a nerd, but as a student my main priority is to succeed academically. My goal is to be the best student I can possibly be. I’ve already accomplished my goal of getting into a good university. I am so blessed to say that I can cross that off my list. Apart from succeeding in my academics, my goal is to be a better person. I know that is extremely cliche. Despite this, being a better person is something that everyone should aspire to be. You should always try to be a better you than you were the day before. I want to grow and excel, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Achieving this goal takes time. No #goal is just achieved without hard work and effort. To reach my goals spiritually, I have to make an effort to read my bible and talk to God. To be honest, I have been slacking in this area. I have not met up with my goals for bible reading. I also felt like I haven’t spent enough time praising God. However, the fact that I’m acknowledging this is the first step in recovering. Emotionally, I am in a good place. I am genuinely happy.  The only thing that I would say is that I am definitely feeling the senioritis. Nonetheless, I  believe that is pretty normal. Physically, I have not reached my goals. I am trying to lose weight. This is an extremely difficult thing to do. People underestimate the difficulty of weight loss. I have realized that whatever my body looks like I will love it. I have learned to appreciate my body for all that it does for me. Goals are essential to life. They help us grow as individuals. Its important to set realistic goals. It is also crucial to set a time frame for your goals. Well that’s all that I have for today. I hope you enjoyed this. Feel  free to comment. Thanks for reading.

Sincerely,

Abisola

Color Blind

As I’ve clearly mentioned in my last post, we live in modern times. Therefore, some of the issues in which we endured in other times are either eliminated or exceptionally subdued. One particular issue that I believe we have made significant improvements upon is racial issues. Now I’m not one of those people who insists that racism does not exist anymore. That is a huge lie, myth, false notion. However, as a society we have made exponential bounds toward accepting others of different races. So what does this lead to? Interracial Relationships! Now, since I have never actually been in a relationship, talk less of an interracial relationship, I’m not an expert on this topic. Nonetheless, its a free country and I have the ability to express my opinion on this topic. I think love is a beautiful thing. Therefore, interracial love is just as beautiful. There should be no boundaries to who you love. Despite this, I personal don’t think I will end up in a interracial relationship. Now before you go bashing me, hear me out. In the past, I was never really attracted to people of my own race. I was intrigued by Caucasian and Hispanic boys. I believe it was a fetish and lack of racial/ethinic pride. I loved colored eyes, and flowy hair. However, as I got older I gained an appreciation for my own race. I started being more attractive to black or African American men. Not that I don’t find people of other races attractive. I definitely do. I just tend to have an attractive adherence to black men now. I also now appreciate the idea of black love. I believe it is an extremely beautiful concept that is lacking in media coverage. Where are the Michelle and Baracks? Where are the Will and Jada Smiths? Where is the Jay-Z and Beyonces? Apart from celebrities, it is so rare to see a successful black marriage. I want to break those stereotypes. I want a strong, black family. Interracial relationships are fantastic, but this is just my own opinion. The only issue for me is finding a compatible black partner. In recent times, there seems to be a lack of black men that are willing to date other black women. The population of black men are either homosexual, incarcerated, or solely dating women of other races. It’s quite sad. I’m going to go on a mini rant for a second. There are some black men out there, (even those that I know personally) who say that they will not date black women due to stereotypes. These men claim that black women are loud, difficult, or not attractive. For those fellow brothers who may be reading this, get your act together. First and foremost, women of all shades are beautiful, so don’t hate on the melanin. Secondly, half the time, your own mothers are black.  If you don’t like black women, what are you trying to say about your own mother. Thirdly,  your disinterest in black women, most likely stems from self hatred. Lastly,  you are mostly intimidated by the strength of black women. Any man that can not handle a strong, successful, black woman is not the type of man that I want to be in a relationship with. On a contrary note, black women we can not always assume that the reason a brother is not with a black women is due to self hatred. This is something I have to work on myself. Even though I just had that mini rant, I would like to say that we can’t always prejudge. Sometimes, a man just falls in love with a person despite their race. We tend to have a double standard. When we see a black women with a Caucasian or other raced man, we celebrate the diversity. But when we see a black man with a Caucasian women, we make hateful slurs and prejudgement. I know its hard not to assume. At the end of the day, its not our choice. Every one falls in love with whoever they want. The last thing I want to comment on is people’s fetishes for mixed children. I’ve heard people say, “I want mixed babies, there so cute”. Mixed race children are not a prized property you get. I knew a dark skinned girl who said she wanted mixed children so that they would be light skinned with “good hair” . I was extremely appalled. The mixed baby fetish often stems from self hatred too. Your baby would still be beautiful if they were full raced. Well, that’s all I have for today. If you like this, feel free to comment.

Thanks for reading,

Abisola

Interracial Dating 1      Interracial Dating 2

 

21st Century Woman

As the years go on and I embark on my voyage to womanhood, I can’t help but think of what it means for me to be a woman in these modern times. Times have changed significantly from the stereotypical ideals for women. Woman are more driven and more independent then ever. In fact, we just might potentially have a female president in the United States. That means so much to me. I have always been taught to be indepent. I learned from a young age to never depend on a man as a source of happiness and financial stability. This is most likely due to the fact that I was raised by a single mother. I saw the dedication and hard work that my mother did in order to provide for my sister and I. My father was never an entity that NEEDED to be there. We were good on our own. Now, I plan on getting married and staying married. I would never want to be a single mother. Despite this, I never want to feel like I need a husband to meet my financial needs. I’ve already thought about splitting the financial responsibilities with my significant other.(I still don’t even have a significant other) My mother always said that a woman needs  her own money. So I am most likely going to have my own personal account along with our joint account. Despite the financial obligations, being a women in the 21st century means more than making your own money. Its all about freedom. We can no longer be put in stagnant boxes. Women are entering work forces that are traditionally male oriented. For my male viewers I would love to hear feed back on what it means to you to see women in these roles. Some men are highly intimidated by a strong woman. Those are the type of men that I definitely would not want to be in a relationship with. A real man or a man that I would want to be with is able to handle a strong woman. The 21st century woman is fearless. We can speak our minds. Our sole purpose is not only to bear and raise children. Although that is a remarkable job, we were destined to fulfill our dreams. Where would Barack Obama be without Michelle? I love the quote that states that “for every successful man,there is a strong woman backing him up”. That isn’t the quote verbatem, however you get the drift. Women play so many roles and are still underappreciated. I think it is incredibly unfair that in the work place today, women still make less than men in some jobs. That is absolutely ridiculous. That is why I am a self-proclaimed feminist. Feminism is not about picketing for every little “injustice”. Feminism is simply the belief of equality  in all areas for men and women. I believe that both men and women should be feminist. There is no need for major social and economic discrepancies for men and women. Let’s unite and make an effort for change. So how can you advocate change? Basically change is administered when advocacy begins. Social media is a wonderful forum. Just posting an article about a social feminist injustice or making a status or twitter post with a catchy hashtag can do the trick. The more people know about it, the more change that can occur. The 21st century women is a go getter. We know what we want and make an effort to achieve it. Its all about taking initiative. We know longer have to fill a subservient, ultra-submissive role any more. These days alot of women are the breadwinners of the family. There’s no shame in that game. As 21st century women, we also need to empower each other. That means no slut-shaming, body-shaming,  or making other women feel inferior. Change can only occur when we work together. Well that’s all I have for today. I hope you enjoyed today’s post.

Thanks for reading,

Abisola