Live Your Life

When Rihanna was still just coming into the game, she had a hit single with T.I. called “Live Your Life”. This song was a banger because it had a killer beat and a powerful message. The song represented the essence of life in itself. “Just live your…instead of chasing that paper.” In other words, this simply means that one should live their life without worrying about money making. I’m sure some of you have heard the saying “Money is the root of evil”. I partially agree with this statement. It’s not the money in itself that is malicious. It’s the love of money. This pertains to anything even apart from money. If you love one particular thing too much then your life will get off balance. For example, if you are obsessed or addicted to the idea of power then  you will not enjoy the life of a follower.If you are overly infatuated with your spouse, then you will neglect others. It’s all about portioning out your time, energy, and emotions. Basically, it’s about prioritization. Personally, as a Christian, I try to make my life revolve around God.Do I struggle? Absolutely. However, it’s the effort that counts. One of the things that I’m rrying to work on is balancing my school work with my relationship with God and friends. This may seem like a simple feat. Nonetheless, as a recent college student I am finding it more challenging than ever. So what are some ways to just “live your life?”

  1. Focus on your main goals: As I mentioned above, my main role in life is to be a daughter of the King. This king for me is Jesus Christ. If this is your goal, you have to schedule time to have devotion to God. I am guilty of this one. Why is it that I have time to catch up on my favorite TV shows, but not open up my bible all week? I am working on getting my priorties straight. The most difficult thing that I face is what is my main goal after God. Should I put my friends/family first or my academics? I settle this dilemma by thinking what will make me more successful. I believe in Work Hard Play Hard. Thus, I focus on my academics first. Then, after I have put a significant dent in my academic work, I will make time for my friends and family.
  2. Don’t worry about what others have to say about you: Rihanna’s song indicates that you don’t need to give a single care about what others think about you. People will talk about you till the day you die. It’s what you think about yourself that matters. So be yourself at all times. Everyone else is taken.
  3. Be Independent:  Fortunately for me, I have always been an independent individual. I never needed people to rely on. For instance, in middle school, I never understood why some girls needed a bathroom partner. I thought, “why can’t you go to the bathroom by yourself”. It always baffled me. I attribute my indepence to how to I can “live my life.”  Don’t get me wrong, I am an extrovert. I love talking and socializing with people. However, I am perfectly fine with eating dinner by myself or just having “me time”. It’s so critical to take days for yourself. It helps you reflect on who you are as a person. You can be alone and still have a good time. This also relates to romantic relationships. You don’t need a man or woman to determine or run how to live your life. Being single is a gift. Embrace it.  While your single, take the time to learn who your are and build your life. The more you build your life in solitude, the better prospects you will have.

That’s all I have for today. I hope this was helpful. Please like, share, and comment.

With Love,

Abisola

Perfect Timing

As a woman, I have contemplated the idea of how I want my life to play out. There seems to be a system to it: Go to college, establish a career, get married, then have children.  There seems to be a time and a place for everything. In fact, I have been so calculated with the planning of my life, that I have even put age on some of the life milestones I want to achieve. For example, I have always said that I do not want to get married before the age of 25. Some might find this appaling, and others might approve. I make this statement to state that I don’t want to be tied down in my early 20s. I want to travel and enjoy life as a bachelorette. However, from what I hear and seen, college seems to be the quintessential place to find a life partner. So many individuals state that they have found their spouses at university. Well then how does that fit with my plan? How long would I date/court in order to get married?  Although I have met some potential relationship prospects during my time in college, I am not sure if I can make the claim that these men are on husband status for me. However, I have decided to have an open mind to the idea of getting married earlier.

Apart from marriage, finding the “perfect timing” in life is absolutely impossible. I find this difficult to process. I am an avid planner. I like to make a concrete detailed plan for every day and every stage of my life. Nonetheless, I am trying to realize that you can’t always plan everything, Have you ever heard the saying “Life happens”. Well, it is definitely true. There are just some circumstances in life that you can not prepare for. Maybe you find your spouse before you have established your career? Or maybe you get pregnant unexpectedly.  Maybe you change your major in the middle of your junior year. That is why a plan B is crucial to fix this discrepancies. For example, if I don’t God forbid, go through with my journalism career, I want to possibly go into business. My main priority will be to focus on my first plan. However, knowing that I have a back up plan gives me a sense of security.  So how do you go with the flow when it comes to dealing with timing?

  1. Let life happen. Don’t micromanage everything in your life. Give time for leeway. Even if you make a to-do list, give your self extra time for miscellaneous circumstances.
  2. Agree to Disagree. You don’t have to be right about every aspect of your life. Learn to trust yourself but listen to others advice.
  3.  Take a chance. Sometimes its important to go out of your comfort zone. It’s ok to be spontaneous even if its with your major life choices. For example, take a vacation and travel to a foreign country. Talk  to that cute boy in your math class. Be courageous with your life.

Well, that’s all I have for today. I hope you find this helpful. Please like, share and comment.

Much love,

Abisola

Dear No One

Although Tori Kelly has been famous for a couple of years now, I have recently jumped on the bandwagon. She is seriously a phenomenal singer. Her songs are so meaningful and eloquently sung. She embodies grace and elegance yet encompasses a down to earth vibe. One of my favorite songs from her is “Dear No One”. You know the feeling you get when a song relates exactly to your situation that you are going through? That’s exactly how I feel about “Dear No One”. The song is a bubbly tune that is a single girl anthem. Basically, the song is about how Tori is content being single. However, if there is a good guy out there then she wouldn’t mind embarking on a relationship.

“So if your out there I swear to be good to you. But I’m done looking, for my future someone…Dear No One, this is your love song.” These lyrics are spitting the truth for me. For those of you who don’t know, I am very much single. I have never been in a serious romantic relationship. Am I sad about that? No. The right guy just has not come to me yet.  But as Kelly states:

“But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end
Being single is great. You don’t have to “entertain anyone else” (Dear No One).  Nonetheless, every now and then I think it would be nice to have someone that can do the little cutesy relationship things like holding hands, sweet texts, etc. My mother always says that when you look for something it won’t happen. But when you stop searching what you hoped for will come to you. This definitely relates to relationships. I am not in thorough pursuit of a man. First things first, I am old fashioned. I believe that a guy should pursue a woman. However, being in college, my prospects have definitely improved. There are some guys that I do find attractive but I will not be the one to initiate it. So, I’ll just keep singing “when the time is right, you’ll be hear but for now…” I know that Love Won’t Leave Me Out. That is another song reference from another one of my favorite artists, Chrisette Michelle. I am a firm believer that if its meant to be that it will happen. So that is how I am taking my love life. I will wait for the right guy  to approach me. Or I will develop friendships that will hopefully lead to romantic relationships. With this in mind, there is no rush. I am still young and luscious. So for any of my single girls out there, take heart. Your prince charming will come eventually. Enjoy your time of solitude. This is the perfect time for you to grow and develop your personality, career, and goals.

Well that’s all I have for today. I hope this was inspiring. Feel free to comment and share. I will leave a link to the video and lyric video for the song in case you’ve never heard it.

Stay Fabulous,

Abisola

500 Days of Summer

About a little over a month ago, I watched the film 500 Days of Summer. Although it is a seven year old film, I feel as though it is a timeless movie. The plot goes as such. A young man,  Tom is lighthearted and a hopeless romantic. He quickly falls in love with the quirky and somewhat pessimistic, Summer. Summer does not believe in the idea of love. They embark on a relationship however, certain circumstances cause them to break up. Tom spends months forlorn and depressed. However, Summer quickly jumps into another relationship and gets married. After months of recooperation, Tom eventually moves on and the film ends with him meeting a new girl, Autumn. The moral of the story is that life does not go as planned. Some people in your life will come and go. People’s perspective on life changes as well. For example, Summer thought that she would never fall in love. Nonetheless, she meets a guy that fulfills all her desires for a future life partner and she ties the knot. This film is unique in the sense that the happy ending is not what you expect. Though the audience is rooting for Summer and Tom or (Stom) (Tummer), the plot gives you a uncanny twist.. So how can this movie apply to your life.

  1. Don’t be like Summer. Summer’s views on love were influenced by her parent’s divorce. She was pessimistic and had the idea that love cannot last.. Personally, I understand her struggle. My parents divorced when I was young as well. This gave me some trust issues and made me skeptical about love too. Notwithstanding, I learned to mature. I have seen examples in my life of healthy relationships that do last.  That is why my goal is to get married one day. Despite my parent’s marital pitfalls, I strive to have a happy, and healthy working marriage one day.
  2. Don’t be Tom. Thought Summer’s melancholy attitude towards relationships was not optimal, Tom on the otherhand was too optimistic. Being a hopeless romantic leads to false expectations. For example, if you watch romance movies or even read romance novels, you will get an exaggerated version of romantic reality. Thus, Tom hearkened to the idea that he would some day find the perfect girl (Summer)  and get married and live happily ever after. This was not the case. That was why he fell into a depression when Summer ended the relationship. So how do you find a balance?
  3. Be Autumn. Although Autumn was only in one scene of the movie she played a crucial role. She represented the hope and the balance between Tom and Summer. She was friendly and open to love. However, she was still cautious and vigilant when Tom approached her. Ironically, her name represented a season of the year similar to Summer. Therefore, she can be analyzed as the alternative option. Sometimes in life you may not end up with the person who you expect. Does that mean that the person who you do end up is lesser than you? Absolutely not. In fact, sometimes it is better that you do not end up with your “one true love” because if you look closely they might not be the most perfect person for you. The moral of the story is that you shouldn’t put your eggs in one basket. Be open-minded to love but don’t be foolish.

Well that’s all that I have for today. If you haven’t seen this movie, I highly recommend it. Thanks for reading.

Stay Fabulous,

Abisola

Natural Girls Be Like

I have mentioned this before, but for those of you who don’t know I am natural. By natural, I mean that I do not use chemicals, specifically chemical straightners on my hair.  I decided to go natural, as a journey of self-discovery. The reason why many African-American women resort to using relaxers (chemical straightners) is to live up to the Eurocentric standards of beauty. Well, I went through a black appreciation phase my sophomore year of high school. I decided that I would embrace the course, curly and kinky textured hair that I was born with. Being natural was a liberating experience. Unfortunately, in 2015 I fell ill. I was no longer able to maintain my natural hair texture in the hospital. Thus, my mom used texturizers to soften my hair texture. This only lead to damage and breakage to my hair. After I healed, I made an executive choice to cut off all the texturized ends. Therefore, I had to start over on my natural hair journey.  My hair is quite short and I am not yet comfortable rocking my fro. Thus, I use protective styles such as braids and weave for my hair. I am currently rocking braids.  I love the convenience of not messing with my natural hair. No combing is involved. There is also so much versatility in how you can style it. Here is a recent picture of me with the braids that I currently am wearing.

Braids Pic Blog.png

Having my hair like this will keep it protected and promote growth. In the future, I hope to be able to rock my natural hair. I want to educate myself on hair cair tips and styles that I can do first. I wanted to make this post a light hearted and fun post so I will share different videos of how “Natural Girls Be Like”.

 

How to Avoid Confrontation

I am one of those individuals that HATE drama. From childhood, I would always make a fervent effort to avoid arguments or involvement in people’s personal business. Thus, I am proud to say that in all 18 years of my life, I have lived a relatively drama free life. Thank God. Drama and fighting can deteriorate and wear out your soul. It is unnecessary and can almost always be avoided. As I started college I had to be conscious of the fact that I would be interacting with a montage of people. These people would be coming from different backgrounds, cultures, religions, and parts of the world. Therefore, misunderstandings would not be uncommon. So, with the help of my friends and family I am learning how to deal with different kinds of people and avoiding drama in the meantime. So here are some of my tips on how to avoid confrontation.

  1. Talk it out. Communication issues are one of the number one reasons as to why people get into disagreements. Communication is vital in any type of relationship. A relationship without communication is like a car without gas. Useless. So first things first, you have to learn how to talk to people. When talking to others, especially new people, make sure to be polite. Avoid questionable commentary. Avoid vulgar language. Try not to bring up controversial topics. This is all necessary to build the beginning foundations of a relationship. Furthermore, it is important to avoid discussing things that might be sensitive via phone. Sometimes talking through text can cause misunderstandings. You are not fully able to convey your emotions through text lingo and emojis. So, if there is something important you need to share, make sure you do it in person.
  2. Don’t rock the boat. If you know what pushes someone’s buttons, don’t try to push those buttons. Maybe talking to your friend about how bad her boyfriend is, might not be the best idea. Yes, you should be an honest friend. I’m totally down for that. However,  when talking about controversial topics, be sensitive. Watch the tone of your voice. Take precaution about your word choice.  Don’t try to be a parent figure. What I mean by this is that if you are trying to talk to your friend about an issue, don’t try to lecture them. Make a friendly and inviting atmosphere.
  3. Compromise. I can’t stress how important compromise is for avoiding a fight. For example, me and my roommate got into a disagreement about an issue. We resolved it by coming to a compromise. When you compromise it is a win-win situation. You will be able to get a little bit of what you want, while the other person gets the same.The solution is fair for everyone.
  4.  Don’t be an instigator. This goes along with the communication situation. Watch your mouth. Think, am I starting some unnecessary drama by making this comment? If you are, then don’t say it. It’s not worth the fight. Also, avoid people who tend to have their lives revolving and thriving on drama. Instigators will get you in trouble. People like that cannot find anything better to do with their time then to be dramatic. Eliminate that toxicity from your life.

Well, that’s all that I have for today. I hope you find these tips helpful.   Thanks for reading.

Stay Fabulous,

Abisola

Can I get a refill?

Have any of you ever had one of those days that you never wanted to end? I certainly have. I’m talking about the days that seem to go so perfectly. These days are filled with joy. love, peace, and great food. Pictures may capture a piece of the moment, but they don’t fulfill the exact “essence” of the day. Every day in life brings about something new. You can not repeat a day. That is why it is critical to embrace every second you have. Tomorrow is not promised for anyone. Elle Varner has a song called “Refill”. This song is about how she goes to a bar and meets a very intriguing guy. She wants to keep talking to the guy so she sings “Can I get a refill?” In this scenario, she meant metaphorically. can she get another dose of his love, attention, and spark. Although I have never been in a serious romantic relationship, I have had guys that I had romantic interests with. I can definitely attest to Varner’s sentiment of asking for a “refill”. So how does one get a refill of the things that you love? Well I’ll tell you.

  1. Cherish every moment. As I’ve mentioned above you will never get to repeat any day in your life. But you can keep memories through pictures, videos, and scrapbooking, or journaling. However, sometimes its just nice to live in the present. I remember when I went to Beyonce’s Mrs. Carter World Tour concert, at one point she told us that we should put our phones away. Instead of recording or taking pictures, she wanted us to live in the now.  Every now and then when you are having a fun time, just stop to embrace what is happening instead of trying to capture it all.
  2. Make time for the people you love. If you are trying to get a “refill” of someone then you must spend time with them. So, take that phone call. Skype a loved one. Plan for a dinner date. Whatever you do, try to get some good communication with them.
  3.  Schedule fun time. My mom always told me that “All work, no play makes Jack a dull boy. This adage basically goes by mine and Wiz Khalifa’s motto “Work Hard, Play Hard”. Yes, being productive is great. However, it is so important to create time for yourself. For example, writing in my blog is my free time. Also, I enjoy writing songs. Continually, I love hanging out with friends and being social. All of these things help me relax. I can’t wait to get a “refill” of these activities.
  4.  Be repetitive. With this tip you might be wondering, why would I want to be repetitive? Well, if you want a “refill” on the things that you love, then why not repeat them often? Maybe you might make a weekly day for “date night”. Maybe you have a few days in the week where you go shopping. Scheduling fun activities multiple times throughout the month prevents you from experiencing withdrawls.

Lastly, I’m going to leave  the video of the song “Refill”. I hope you enjoyed this post. Remember to like, comment, and share.

Land of the Free?

America is known as one of the melting pots of this world. There are people who reside here from a plethora of different countries from all over the world. Since Colonial times, America was a place that equated freedom and opportunity. British colonists came to America in order to establish their religious freedom. Fast forward a couple of hundreds of years, and another exodus of people left their countries for America and made their way to the famous Ellis Island. I am a product of the emigration system. For those of you who don’t know, my family heritage is Nigerian. My mother and father came to America in order to develop their economic opportunities. Despite me being born in Canada, I am an American citizen. I have lived in America since I was 4 years old. This country means a lot to me. I love my Nigerian culture, but I am an conglomeration of both Nigerian and American upbringing.

As Fourth of July just passed, it brought me to do some self-reflection on what it truly means to have freedom. On social media, there have been some individuals who have discredited the fact that African Americans are celebrating Fourth of July. They state “Why are you celebrating the Fourth… You weren’t free”. Although in a factual perspective, African Americans in this country did not receive complete emancipation until about a 100 years later, I believe this statement is harmful and ignorant. This type of thinking is harmful because it perpetuates the stigma of slavery. My opinion is that, yes, we should acknowledge slavery for what it is. However, as a nation we should not dwell on it as if it was the only thing that black people in this country ever accomplished. Even in the film industry, the majority of the films and roles that are available to African Americans deal with slavery, segregation, the “sassy” friend, or just about being black. Our film industry lacks in making complex and intellectual roles for black individuals and people of color in general.

Furthermore, this nation has a long way to go in order to establish equality and freedom for everyone. Unfortunately, in this nation there is still the prevalence of sex slaves and trafficking. Many people are not aware of this. Those who are aware may not want to admit it. It is such a gruesome and sad lot to know that young women and men are being sold for sex. Fortunately, there are organizations that raise money to fund aid for these slaves. When all forms of slavery are abolished and controlled in this nation, then we can have peace.

Lastly, I would like to touch bases on the LGBTQ community. Although my personal religious beliefs do not support that lifestyle, I was in support of the legalization of their marriage. I may not agree with homosexuality from a biblical standpoint, but I do believe that everyone should have equality. I believe we made a big step forward as a nation to  reducing prejudice and inequality with the bill that was passed almost a year ago.

Well, that’s all that I have for today. I feel so blessed to be apart of such a promising and beautiful nation.

Thanks for reading,

Abisola

Are You Woke?

The urban dictionary definition of “woke” is being aware of what is going on in your community? This terminology is one that is rather new but has a special place in my heart. As a Nigerian-American women, this term is essential to what it means for me to be a black woman. First things first, this term is frequently used in the black community. In our community, woke tends to mean that you are aware of the social and racial justice issues in our community. For example, people who are involved in the “Black Lives Matter” movement would be considered “woke”.  It is a liberating feeling to know that you are able to have a conscious effort and perspective on things in your racial community.

My History

I am proud to call myself “woke” now. However, I wasn’t always that way. For the majority of my life I lived and went to school in a predominantly Caucasian community. Having black friends was a luxury. Even though I had few opportunities to make black friends, when I did have the opportunity to associate with black kids I was often ostracized. I was called “bougie”. For those of you who don’t know that slang term it simply means aristocratic, uppity, haughty and downright prideful. Ironically, the black kids used to tell me that I was “trying to act white”. It didn’t make sense to me considering the fact that I was just being my self. It saddened me to realize that speaking proper and grammatical English equated to me being “white”.  Despite this,  I never gave up on trying to relate more with black friends. When I was going to the tenth grade I had a transformation. I call it my “Black Pride Phase”. During this period of my life I came more immersed in black culture. I would watch black films, read books with black others and about black people, and I even went natural. (Going natural is a term that black women use when they stop using chemical straightners on their hair) I went natural because I wanted to embrace all that I am as a black woman. That included embracing and accepting my curly/kinky hair texture.  This whole process gave me a greater appreciation for my race. Once I became more culturally aware or “woke” I started making and associating more with black people.

The Present

Times have definitely changed from my adolescent “bougie” days. Now I am in college and surrounded by diversity. I had the opportunity to attend two HBCU’s (Historically Black College or University). Nonetheless, I declined the offer. I felt like being surrounded by solely black people would not help me grow as a person. I also felt that I need the enrichment that diversity brings. Despite the fact that I did not go to an HBCU, I am still surrounded by black people. My roommate is black and the majority of my friends are too. It’s quite an interesting phenomena. Overall, I am proud of how much I have evolved as a black women. While you may think that I should have reserved this post for black history month, I felt that at this stage of my life expressing these thoughts were necessary. I hope you enjoyed this.

Thanks for reading,

Abisola